Sunday, August 9, 2009

don't read this

I've been up most of the night thinking about stupid shit that no one really cares about.
I think i've found myself doing this quite often lately actually. None the less it does help me out in the morning when i wake up and realize i feel a lot better that i thought about all of it last night and not the minute i wake up. I wonder why my mom only really seems happy with what she can't have? Knowing that your getting older.. you would think she would settle for what you have if it seems to be the "greatest things"

Do you really fear what you love? Does that come naturally in your everyday life or do you gain the fear? Do you gain the fear of loving someone so much that you can't handle it any longer? Is fear really in the heart of love? You tell me. You fear what you want, you fear what you don't like. Your body can only handle so much in its span, so it has to fear. Some fear spiders. Some fear thunderstorms. Some fear animals. Some fear hurting. Some fear disease. Some fear dying. Some fear truth. Some fear lies.
I fear love.

I use to write so much, so much about my love for the one i use to love. The minute i would put that pen to the paper, my hand would go to work. It would work so hard and so fast to get all these feelings i was feeling. I use to feel so much, mostly love and the feeling of being loved. It was amazing and i would never forget about it. Love falls apart, and there is nothing you can do about it when it falls. My momma always told me "You never realize what you have until its gone". I believe in that, not only because my wonderful woman of a mother told me this but because i was smart enough to realize she knew what it was like to hurt.

Hurt. What does it mean to hurt? When you fall.. you "hurt" but is that a aching pain or is it a throbbing pain? Or, is there even a difference in what kinds of hurt you can experience? It all come in a matter of time. You WILL hurt once or twice in your life. Just remember life goes on and you should never settle for less. You are a smart person and very beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

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