don't read this

i cant even look at myself in the mirror really, so i wouldnt be suprised if you could. I'm a real fuck up.. it's nothing i can change really. i change my mind regularly and i don't ever know what i truly want. i can't be loyal. god knows why. It's not you. It's the way i've been taught. I'm sad. I'm a wreck, and when it comes down to it.. i have a perfect life. With the perfect family.. perfect friends and all that jazz. But my mind, you see it's not all there. Not clear at all. I dont know. I can't even put my feelings into words because it's not all there. I havent cried in about 10 months.. maybe here and there for the stupid reasons. i can't cry anymore. i have nothing left to cry.